There are things my children teach me everyday. One thing I love about children is their honesty. They tell you how it is even if you don't want to hear it. As adults, we sometimes 'sugar coat' things because we don't want something to come off the wrong way or we try to make things to seem perfect. It's great to be in the company of children where you never have to guess how they really feel, like we sometimes have to do with other adults. As a mom, I know no one is perfect and no family unit is perfect either and I've accepted that fact!
Have you ever noticed, especially as a mom, it's so enjoyable and much easier to be around people with a sense of humor?! I am very thankful my husband and I both feel a sense of humor is critical in life! Just last night as the kiddos were in bed, him and I were getting ready to wash pinto beans to make homemade refried beans today and he didn't realize the 10 lb bag was still open and yep, you guessed it, we had pinto beans all over the kitchen floor! I just started laughing and so did he after the shock of seeing his feet surrounded by beans! The worst part was they were too hard for the dog to clean up and eat so I had to get the vacuum out :) As soon as we cleaned them up, which was no big deal, I said to him "if one of the kids did this we probably wouldn't be laughing!" He agreed. Sometimes when our patience is running low and we tend to react too quickly, it's easy to yell at our kids, get upset over accidents, and say things we really don't mean. I've really tried to be aware of my reactions lately with my kids. On Father's Day we were out to dinner and our little guy dropped his cup on the floor, the lid fell off and water puddled under my chair! Not five minutes after we got that cleaned up, my oldest accidently knocked her glass of water over and water went all over the table and then on to the floor. At that point, my husband and I just started laughing! I said, "well, I think two at one meal is a new record!" We have no problem admitting we are not perfect parents and our children are not perfect either. But we can choose how we react to situations with our words and actions.
I'm thankful my children are totally (sometimes brutally) honest with me because it makes me analyze what I need to change and they trust my reaction enough to be honest with me. I don't get offended or upset with them. Instead, I look at it as an opportunity to grow and be a better mom and a better person! And with children, the criticism isn't alway constructive, but I get their point and I value their opinions even if I don't agree with them. I want to lay the foundation early in their lives that they can come to me anytime with any problem, concern, as well as their honest opinions. What good is it if they have to put on a front just to 'make me happy'? That's not fair to them. If I'm teaching my children to be honest, yet I cannot accept their honest opinions, what am I teaching them? I may not always agree with their opinions, but I will always respect their feelings/opinions and not get upset with them for feeling the way they do. I never want them to tell me something just because that's what they think I want to hear. I believe every child, no matter what age, should be able to be honest with their parents without them getting upset at their opinions. With that being said, I also think it's important for us parents to teach them how to do this in a respectful way which I believe can be done. We all deserve to be heard even if we don't agree with each other. When we listen and don't reject our children's honesty, we are showing them that they are valued while teaching them they need to respect the honest feelings/opinions of others as well. I believe the key to any real, close relationship is expectance of honesty from each other. If we don't allow our children (and others) to be honest with us, then they won't be. And if they aren't honest, they aren't being real either. I never want my children to feel like they can't be real with me.
Just the other night I had to put the phrase 'mean what you say' into action. My husband and I have both always tried hard to make sure we followed through with a consequence that we have warned will happen depending on our childrens' choices. I had warned my 3 year old that if she did something I had just asked her not to do, then she would not be getting ice cream later in the evening! Well, by 9 am, she had lost the ice cream for later that night. And, all day long, she kept asking if she could have ice cream that night! My answer was consistently no and everytime I told her that, I also reminded her why the answer was no, which was based on the choice she made. She cried numerous times about it, but I was not backing down. It's easy for us to threaten a consequence, but unless we follow through and mean what we say, we aren't teaching our kids the valuable lesson of conseqences. Instead, we are teaching them not to believe us! It's so important to choose a consequence that we can follow through on.
When I tuck the kids into bed, after we say their prayers, I look them in the eyes and say, "you are kind, you are smart and you are important!" As most of you know, this comes from the book The Help. I love this. Because I'm truly meaning what I say. They just smile and giggle at me when I say it, but I know someday it will really sink in with them. I want them to know I am saying what I mean and meaning what I say, even when they are this young. That way, they always know they can expect that from me.
I also love this quote, "With the passing years, people with forget what you have said and what you have done, but they will never forget how you made them feel." It's so true. Our words and actions (or lack of) translate into others' feelings and sometimes go much deeper than we think. I want my children to feel loved, valued, appreciated, accepted, etc. But I also want them to feel this way after everytime they are completely honest with me. They deserve it.
God Bless :)
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